Claim The World

My two sons are part of a band called Orca.  And their kind of music is metallic rock.  They also write and record their own music.  As much as I can, I watch their gigs and try to appreciate their songs.

Once I asked them if they had plans of graduating to other genres.  They simply said no and explained that metal was their “core”.  And that to do so would be “selling-out”.  It took a while for me to totally understand what they mean.

I remember when I was younger, I was very sure of my “core” too.  I knew who I was and was daring enough to show the whole world. I also knew what I wanted and was raring to get them.  Youth gives us a certain sense of confidence and superiority.  When you are young, you take everything with large doses of ambivalence.

But somehow, time has a way of taming us.  While I knew the person within me, I learned to conform to fit into the various groups I was with.  At that stage, it was important for me to be accepted.  Compromise crept into my life.  I don’t think it was “selling-out” at all.  But I understood fully well why I needed to do it.  It was a way of surviving adulthood. 

I did feel the toll of my decision to conform.  There were moments I felt unhappy not really knowing why.  But looking back, the restrictions I imposed on myself were the culprits.  It’s never easy to steer away from one’s true self, no matter how slightly.  It was like asking a willow branch to stay rigid when it is natural for it to sweep down to the ground.

Now that I am half a century and a year old, I somehow feel unafraid to be who I truly am.  While the years have tempered my soul, I know my spirit is free.  I am no longer bound to conform.  Growing old gives you permission to express yourself sans the guilt of going against the grain of society.  Maturity allows you not only to appreciate yourself but also those around you.  I have noticed how tolerant I have become of others too.  And surprisingly, the younger ones find it cool! 

So, it’s not too late to be bold and happy.  It’s not too late to do the things in your bucket list.  It’s not too late to proclaim your true self and worth.  Claim the world – it has always been yours!

Of Books and Memories

I have nothing against e-books.  I have actually read several.  And technology makes it more convenient, especially when travelling, as you don’t have to lug a thick pocketbook.

Call me old-fashioned or even Jurassic, but I do miss holding a book.  The warmth created holding one after several hours of reading is soothing.  It makes me feel part of the story, as if I were truly there myself.  I miss the feel of the pages as I turn them with so much expectancy. I feel a surge of adrenalin rush as I can't wait to find out what happens next.

And then, there is the scent of ink as I turn the pages - that slightly irritating and invasive smell of printed matter. This connects me to the author, as if he wrote the book only for me.  My over imaginative mind sees myself talking to the writer over a cup of java on a rainy afternoon.  Such bliss.... such privilege!

I have a habit of putting bunny ears on pages that I find meaningful.  I even highlight passages I consider moving and beautiful.  All these enable me to return to these pages to read over and over again.  Marginal notes on the pages - inscribing therein my insights and reflections, are sure signs a book belongs to me.  I reread favorite books after a few years.  Imagine my joy at finding out how I felt and thought years back. My notes sort of become a journal into my inner self. 

I wonder if our children even use bookmarks these days.  When I was younger, I remember how my friends and I would give each other bookmarks. They were delightful gifts - beautiful quotes and dainty designs on colorful paper.  Using them made reading more interesting and memorable.

There is a sense of joy I feel looking at my books lined up on a shelf.  You can be sure that the tattered ones are my favorites.  Seeing them is like seeing my favorite book characters leap to life, reliving a memorable part of a story, and realizing what important life lessons they have taught me.